"That's love right there!" ~ Shouted at my girlfriend and me out the passenger side window of a car passing us as we hugged goodbye at the airport last Monday evening.
Yes. Absolutely. It was love. It is love. No question.
Goodbyes aren't easy even when there isn't a global pandemic raging. Now, in the Time of Coronavirus, they are impossible. Because it's not "See you soon." It's "I'll see you when the restrictions against non-essential travel are lifted." Whenever that is. A month? Six weeks? Three months? There's no f***ing telling. So, yeah, it's hard. And as my girlfriend and I hugged goodbye last week, I knew it might be a long time before I would hold her in my arms again. The desperation, the absolute desolation, that I felt had to be evident. I'm sure it was written on my face and in my body language, in the way I hugged her.
A country apart. More than two thousand miles. Three days in a car; four hours on a plane. Under the best circumstances, none of this worries me in the least. If I've got a free day or two, I can and will hop a flight on a moment's notice, especially if I find a good - ok, halfway decent - airfare. With a couple of well-placed approved request offs, I could see her once a month or more. Unfortunately, circumstances are far from the best. Yes, they could be worse, a lot worse...but f*** it still sucks. Airfares are at an historical low - like in my lifetime I have NEVER seen airfares so low - AND I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!!!!! It's just not prudent or good for the human race right now. We are down to essential travel only...and apparently being homesick for your girlfriend isn't exactly essential.
If I'm being honest, I want to do everything I can to get this damn pandemic over with. If that means forgoing travel for now, staying the f*** home, not shopping for non-essentials at essential businesses, then I'm in. All in. I may have grander motivation than some people (i.e a girlfriend on the other side of the country that I desperately want to see on the regular), but we all need to be all in and do whatever f***ing small part we can. At the absolute base, we can stay home (the f*** home) and keep at the prescribed social distance when we must leave the house. If we do that now, we won't have to do it forever. If we keep on half-assed, we'll still be doing it well into summer.
I've had an anger simmering for days now. It's not like me. I rarely let anything get to me enough to make me angry. But this weekend... I worked both Saturday and Sunday at the Worlds Largest Home Improvement Retailer. We were deemed "essential" by the governmental powers-that-be because even if we are all hibernating at home, things are still going to break. People need to be able to fix the A/C, unclog the toilet, repair a breaker. I get it and I am proud that I work for such a company. This weekend, though...... I work in the paint department. The only "essential" items we sell are masks and gloves. We've been out of stock on both for literally weeks and yet we KILLED our sales plan. I don't recall ever working a busier Saturday in a paint department. What were people buying? Paint, paint, and more paint. Plus all the fun attachments that run up the average ticket and make the bosses happy. To a one, customers laughed about how bored they were at home and how they had time to do all these projects they'd been putting off. What better time, right?
Wrong. What happened to stay the f*** home? What happened to doing what's right for the common good? That all went out the window. Clearly. It was evident all weekend long that my customers' boredom trumped my desire to remain healthy. I began referring to all of them as "Fuckers," a word I can't recall ever using before Saturday afternoon. Yes, we are open. Yes, we are here for the community as my company has been through disaster after disaster. Yes, I'm getting "hazard pay" if I work more than 35 hours a week.Yes, I've been gifted of an egregious amount of personal/sick time. But f***, it doesn't mean I want to put my health on the f***ing line every time I clock in.
Nor do I want to extend this damn pandemic. Because - and I think this might be near the root of my anger - you all get to go home to your wives, partners, girlfriends, families. I don't. I go home to my dog and my cats. My sister just finished chemo so she's at a high risk. My dad's assisted living is on lockdown. I can't see either of them. My girlfriend is a light-year of restricted travel away. Your people are annoying you? You need to re-do the garage floor or paint that old picnic table or pick out a new area rug for under the dining table before you kill someone? I'm sorry for your bad luck. At least you have people. I would love (LOVE) to be around my girlfriend enough to get on her nerves. But that can't happen until this thing ends.
I'm sorry for the rant. It's been a hot minute since I've gotten up on any kind of soap box. I've let a lot of things go and vented my unhappiness elsewhere. I've chosen to use the blog for good, positive messages. But tonight........ It's just that... Love in the time of coronavirus isn't easy. I know we are lucky. We are healthy. So far anyway. We have a future waiting for us and this time apart will only make us stronger, create a more enduring foundation. And I have the memory of our last hug. That was love. That is love. We are love.
So do us a solid and stay the f*** at home!